


Go or Go Ahead

by dollylux



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Heartbreak, Loneliness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:11:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1798411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollylux/pseuds/dollylux





	Go or Go Ahead

Sergio had a few abandonment issues that he had all but accepted that he was born with. He has an amazing family and had a pretty normal, happy childhood and absolutely no reason to fear change as much as he did. It was something he kept strictly guarded and that no one (absolutely no one) knew the extent of. No one knew that he had ratty t-shirts and jeans with more holes than not because he only wore them when he was alone (when he truly felt safe, felt like himself). He kept them because he couldn't bear to part with them, couldn't bear to think that he would be throwing away so many memories with the denim and soft cotton, so many drunken nights and shitty movies and sloppy kisses and wanton sex and laughs and laughs and laughs. If he found a shampoo he loved, he would go back to the store and buy up the rest of their product in fear that, the next time he ran out and needed more, the product would be mysteriously discontinued, never to be seen again, never to be smelled again and remind him of tiny moments, of an overall mood of his last days, weeks while he used it. No one understood why he listened to his same favorite songs over and over (Sergio, don't you have anything else on that thing?), why he was content to eat basically the same meal for weeks on end, why he had such constantly close friends, why he never let anyone new into his life, into his heart, into his bed (at least not for any real length of time). He was afraid of being left, of being hurt, of his carefully constructed and maintained foundation cracking and then collapsing, afraid of any small change which could slowly take over his life and alter the entire thing. He was not a man of grey areas. He didn't know how to be.

Fernando destroyed all of it when he left. He threw everything off balance, he changed the plan completely. He made Sergio _need_ new clothes, new songs, new shampoo, he made him need everything new and _now_ because everything once familiar and so close to his heart would just remind of him that Fernando was gone and there was absolutely nothing, no amount of tiny, pathetic, ritualistic notions Sergio could cling to would bring him back or make it all just a bad dream. Fernando took all of Sergio's fears of change and abandonment, all of those little things, and left. He became the catalyst for it all, he became everything that had changed in Sergio's life, he became the biggest heartbreak Sergio could have ever imagined. Betrayal and abandonment were such small words for something that just simply won't ever let him be the same again.


End file.
